Michelle's Musings

A Random Thought

2006-06-27T17:51:00.000-05:00

This has nothing to do with anything in particular, but as I was listening to the radio this morning, these thoughts came to me...I'm sure many of you can relate...

Music always takes me back to the place when I first heard it, or when I was listening to it 24/7 because I couldn’t get enough. And it’s not just the time and space, but the feeling…who I was and what I was thinking and feeling. The sights, sounds and emotions of the time come back to me vividly…almost as if I am reliving my life.

That is the way of music, the soundtrack of life.

There are actually certain songs I cannot listen to because they are remind me of painful things, things I would rather forget. And then a song will come on, and I feel the vibe of back in the day, and a smile comes across my face as wide as the ocean.

That’s the way of music, the soundtrack of life.

Perhaps that's why I love it so much...

Grace and peace,
mish

The Fringe, Part Two

2006-06-06T17:41:00.000-05:00

The Fringe, Part Two

Well, here is Part 2 of my testimony. If you haven’t read Part 1, make sure you do so before reading this one…this will make more sense with the background from the first part of the story. I apologize up front: this is kind of long. Be blessed…

The Fringe, Part 2
by Michelle L. Lewis

I was raised in the Black church. Church life was central to our family, extending back generations. I was a “cultural Christian” by virtue of my family, but did not embrace the truth of the Gospel until my conversion in 1999. When I finally did come to know the Lord and wanted to return to the church, I was faced with a dilemma – the same dilemma I faced when I started college. Will I identify with Blacks or Whites? There is very little crossover. The prayer of my heart was that the Lord would lead me to the church He wanted me to be in to grow and serve Him, and this turned out to be a White church. This decision caused much conflict in my heart, because it did not seem right that I would have to make such a choice that would lead to my being separated – again – from my own race.

This is a struggle for me because I have come to see that God has shaped me to be bicultural. Certain assumptions can and have been made about who I am or what I’m like just by the way I look or the way I talk – and most of the time those assumptions would be wrong. My exterior package does not necessarily give a true picture of the person God has shaped me to become. The assumptions that people have often brought to their interactions with me have left me feeling misunderstood and sometimes rejected, because my true voice is not heard – my true self is never given a chance to be revealed. Some of that is my own fault – my own act of self-protection and self-preservation. But some of that stems from the assumptions we all bring to our interactions with one another. They are there whether we realize it or not. I have come a long way to be deliberate in making myself vulnerable with people – but I still have a lot of ground to cover.

Although I have been influenced by other cultures and have been shaped by the environment in which I grew up, I have never been allowed to forget or be ashamed of my history – of African-Americans in general and of my family in particular. My parents have made certain of that. Embracing all of what makes me who I am does not imply denial or shame of any one particular part. I have been shaped by it all – and I must acknowledge that.

I also must acknowledge that I have been shaped by the brokenness of my past experiences. The fact that I perceived more rejection from Blacks than from Whites growing up has shaped how I view people, and how I view the world, even how I view racial issues. The fact that I constantly had to “prove” that I was truly Black – as ridiculous as that may sound – has shaped the way I view myself and my achievements. What is different now than before is I have a foundation upon which to base who I am. As I walk through this broken terrain, I must determine what these things mean in light of my Christian identity.

The question I asked myself as a young child, and have been asking myself for the balance of my life is what am I? But the proper question is who am I? This question can only be answered properly by stating that I am a child of God, redeemed by the blood of His Son. In spite of my experience, I know that the truth of God’s Word is that “there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for all are one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:29 ESV). The same Lord is Lord of all (Romans 10:12), and the racial distinctions we have used to separate ourselves from one another are meaningless before the cross. We all fall speechless before God, for we are all fallen in our humanness and sinfulness, and share the same fate apart from Christ. There is no room for boasting, no room for pride in anything before God. The cross of Christ should be the peace that brings us together, but the breach between the races that we experience because of our country’s history still exists – even in our churches. We are in desperate need of reconciliation and healing.

My identity in Christ is indeed the defining factor of my existence; but it does not negate my cultural and ethnic heritage and history. That history is still very real; it has not disappeared. In order to see me, you must see all of what makes me who I am – and that includes my ethnic heritage. My identity in Christ means that the meaning and impact of my ethnic heritage on my life must be redefined based on the reality of the cross and my membership in the household of God. This is case for all who belong to God through Christ. The diversity that exists within the body is absolutely beautiful, and must never be ignored or stifled; but, the way in which we have chosen to express our diversity has been tainted by sin…I will address this in more detail later…
The process of healing is long and arduous. I finally know where I belong; I belong to the Lord, and my identity is in Him. Therefore, the other question I used to ask – what does it mean to be Black? – has to be replaced with new questions. How do I live my life to please my Lord? What does it mean to be a Christian who happens to be Black, and how do I address the issues and problems that directly affect my racial/ethnic group in light of the truth of the Gospel? There is still a tension between that truth and the reality I face everyday. I am still in the process of healing.

I now see the struggles of my past and my heritage in a totally different light. What I used to see as a liability I now see as a blessing – if I allow the Lord to use it. My life experiences have created a passion and longing in my heart to help God’s church on earth live up to the picture He paints for us in His Word. Perhaps, as the Lord is in the process of healing my heart, I can be used as an instrument in His hands to help heal the breach between Blacks and Whites in His family. That is my prayer.

© mll 2006

Switching Gears

2006-06-04T19:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, I’m gonna switch gears. Not that the thoughts I raised in my previous blog are no longer important, but I want to take a different route to get to the main point of that blog. The Lord has placed it upon my heart to examine further the issues I raised in my last blog entry. He has most specifically been dealing with me about these things, and that is appropriate I feel, since I’m the one who opened my big mouth and started getting in folk’s business! The Lord is now getting in mine…so, I better fasten my seatbelt, because it’s going to be a wild ride!

I thought I would start by giving you an introduction to me, and how I came to be who I am today. I will be posting this in phases…don’t want to make them too terribly long. But I want to share my “testimony” with you, and give you a glimpse into what makes me tick. So, here goes…

______________________________

“The Fringe” by Michelle L. Lewis

My first identity is that I am a Christian.

I am a child of the living God. Before I call myself a woman, an African-American, or any other identity marker that I may choose to describe myself, I must first say that I am a Christian. But the fact is my Christian identity intersects with the other identities God has given me. I am indeed an African-American – and that means something in our society. I am indeed a woman – and that also means something in our society. But I must always consider the meaning of these identities within the context of my identity as God’s child. In fact, my adopted status before God must shape how I define the other things that mark my identity in this world.

This was not always so for me. I lived in what I have come to call “the fringe”: between two worlds and belonging to neither one. I grew up in a predominantly White neighborhood and consequently socialized mostly with Whites. But I also had the influence of my extended family confirming my heritage as an African-American – so I have always felt like this strange hybrid…like I have a split personality.

During my grade school years I began to see myself as “different”. I remember questioning why I didn’t look like everyone around me. I knew I was Black, but I certainly didn’t look like most other Blacks I knew. As you can see, I have very fair skin, so there were times when people were not quite sure to what ethnicity I belong. I didn’t necessarily look Black; but I didn’t look White, either. So what am I, really? Now, this question has not been as much of an issue ever since I rediscovered my fro! I look a little “Blacker” than I used to!

Throughout high school, the one group that felt the strongest about me were other Blacks. I was very shy, quiet, and withdrawn, and this was perceived as snobbery. Many thought “This girl thinks she’s too good for us! She must think she’s white or something!” These are things I have actually heard said about me. Consequently, I suffered the most ridicule and rejection at the hands of my own race.

Because I did not grow up in the Black community I was not considered a member of that community, and they were not afraid to tell me so. I was told I wasn’t “Black enough”. I was told I didn’t understand what it meant to be Black. I didn’t listen to the right music, didn’t talk “Black enough”, I acted like a White girl…On the flip side of that, I was told by some Whites that I didn’t act like a “normal” Black person. At the time I couldn’t quite articulate it, but I knew there was an insult embedded in that statement somewhere, even if not intentional! What did that comment say about the stereotyped view of Blacks that person held? I was denied the very thing that will remain constant and true in my life – I am a Black!

The only time in life where this was not the case was in college. When I entered the University of Illinois, I was faced with the choice of with whom I would identify. The racial climate on the campus at the time was very tense, and there was little interaction between races, especially between Blacks and Whites. The choice was implied, but clear: you either identified with Black students or White students. There was no crossover, no middle ground; and there was an unspoken rule that crossing over meant betrayal. You were ashamed of your racial identity and had “sold out”. So I bowed to the pressure and closed myself to anything other than a surface relationship with anyone who wasn’t Black. I hung out a one of the more militant Black groups on campus, one that wished for the return of the days of the Black Panther movement. I felt I had come to accept my true roots, and would find my place of belonging and acceptance. But if anything, I was more confused about who I was upon graduating college. None of my questions were answered, the most important being “what does it mean to ‘be Black’?”.

My life was turned upside down – or perhaps I should say right side up – when I came to know the Lord in March of 1999. The Lord pulled me out of my emptiness and confusion and gave me newness of life. But the issue of belonging was still there – this time as it pertained to His body, the church…

This is part one…I will post part two soon.

Grace and peace,
mish

© mll 2006

Just Wondering...

2006-05-30T23:29:00.000-05:00

I may start something by saying these things, but I must…

Now, I don’t want to continue on a diatribe about the evils of DVC. But the phenomenon that has become the Christian response to this film and book has me thinking: What would be the best way to argue against DVC and other attempts to undermine the Gospel?

Is it writing rebuttal books? Or picketing movie theatres? Or sermon series and teaching tapes? Let me state at the outset that I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with the enterprise of educating ourselves about biblical scholarship and biblical truth. But, I wonder...do we focus on these things at the expense of other equally important aspects?

Let us imagine for a moment…

...Imagine if we channeled all the money we are pumping into Christian bookstores and ministry web sites for books and teaching tapes into programs to help educate our children in inner cities and rural areas where the school systems are horrible.

...Imagine if we pooled all our intellectual resources and helped countries in Africa, Asia and Latin America - and even impoverished areas right here in the US - to address poverty issues, create industry, and improve agricultural technologies that would help them build their local economies.

...Imagine if we spent the same energy trying to help those countries where AIDS is killing daily and leaving millions of children orphaned.

...Imagine if we worked this hard to help rebuild the areas of the Gulf Coast that still look like Hurricane Katrina blew through yesterday...or the areas in Indonesia that have been ravaged by the latest earthquake.

...Imagine what the world would think of us "crazy Christians" if we did all of this...spent the time, energy and money we are spending defending a fiction novel based on shady "historical scholarship" working to spread the love of Christ in tangible ways throughout this country and this world.

What kind of defense do you think that would be? What kind of response do you think we would get?

Of course, I must start by asking myself these questions. So I'll direct them to myself: Am I willing to do these things?

Oh, but that would cost me something. That would involve sacrifice on my part. That would mean I would have to get my hands dirty...do I really want to do that? It seems to me that there are issues that are vastly more important that we turn a blind eye to...the very things that Jesus would want us to do. Clothe the naked...feed the hungry...visit the imprisoned...take care of the orphaned and widowed. We are supposed to be doing these things, but are we? I must always ask myself: What more can I do? I am supposed to be doing these things…but am I? Am I doing enough? Am I willing to sacrifice?

Or will I just pick up a sign and join the local church folk picketing the movie theatre that's playing DVC, ignoring the homeless man sitting in the corner? Of course, it would never be the intention to ignore...but we would - and do - ignore all the same...

Now, you would never catch me with that sign in my hand…but am I doing the other things that truly show the love of Christ and reflect His Gospel?

That’s the question…

Just a thought…but imagine…hmmm…
m.

I Tried to Avoid It...

2006-05-27T13:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, I have been avoiding making these comments, but I have had many conversations about this with friends both on and off line, and so I feel I need to say something. I have to preface this by saying I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I say these things in humility, praying for the Lord’s help as I walk through it.

Yes, I’m going to comment about the Da Vinci Code (DVC).

The question that is posed to me the most is why it is so important. Why do we care if Jesus was married? So what if we find out He married Mary Magdalene and fathered children? That’s not a sin, so what’s the big deal?
This question was posed to me on my graduation day…I didn’t have a good answer for him at the time, but then I started reading all the posts in the yahoo groups I belong to, the blogs of friends I’m connected with, and this is what came to me.

As a Christian, I have to say that yes, the issues raised in the DVC are very important. The issue has to do with the veracity of the Holy Scriptures. As a Christian, I must hold to the fact that the Bible is accurate in its historical accounting of the life of Jesus (and by the way, I have strong evidence to back that belief...it's not just a shot in the dark for me). If it is not, then our faith is based on a lie and is therefore invalidated. Because Christianity is a religion based on a historical event - the life, death and resurrection of Jesus - this is of extreme importance.

No, discovering that Jesus was married and had children would not necessarily change the fact that He died on a cross and was raised from the dead. But, it would call into the question the dependability of the documents we have regarding Jesus’ life and therefore these events. Because the majority of what we know about His life is found in the Bible, this becomes important. If we can prove that certain key facts about His life were omitted or mistaken, that calls into question all we know about His life based on the biblical documents we have. This is the crux of the debate about the DVC. It is an effort to discredit the foundational documents of Christianity and therefore invalidate or relativize its claims. I cannot accept that as a Christian.

I do, however, feel that the hoopla surrounding this film and book is getting a little out of hand. Most self-respecting historians will tell you that the so-called scholarship that this book is based on is shoddy. I have spoken to many very important historians at my alma mater, the University of Illinois, and they all agree on this point. I must point out here, that these are NOT Christian scholars, and would not go so far as to say Christianity is true. But they would take issue with using this so-called "evidence" to prove it's not. Many of the documents used to "prove" the theory presented in DVC have been proven to be forgeries from 1954!! There is no valid documentation that can affirm any of the claims of this book...it is a WORK OF FICTION. And we all must understand this.

The scholarship and evidence, however that proves the veracity of the biblical account is solid, and for an ancient document is the strongest you can find. There is no other document from antiquity that has as much manuscript and historical evidence as the Bible. This has been proven over and over, and attempts like the DVC have not changed this, no matter how hard they try.

Ultimately, people are going to beleive what they want to believe and no amount of "evidence" is going to sway the minds of some. This is the reality...we must be wise in how we counter these attempts, but we must not panic. God's plan is greater than the Da Vinci Code - and His truth will stand long after DVC has passed from the scene. As believers, we must live out the life of belief, not by what we are against necessarily, but by what we are for, allowing the love of Christ to live in us and through us to other people. Part of doing that is defending our Lord - and then allowing Him to work in the hearts of men and women and draw to Himself who He will.

Okay, that's all I have to say about that! (Ode to Forrest there...lol!)

Grace and peace,
mish

Our One True Desire

2006-05-23T21:25:00.000-05:00

I am in the process of packing to move to a new apartment, and part of the process is purging. I always take the opportunity of moving to throw or give away anything I can. I don’t like to move anything I don’t need!
I have been going through old papers and journals and I ran across something I wrote back in 2001. I wanted to share it with you because it seems so appropriate that I be reminded of these words in this the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I pray it blesses you.
______________________________
Being versus doing…God desire us to be. Our “doing” is a product of our “being”, not the other way around…

Spiritual growth is a process, not a project I must complete to prove my worthiness to God. It is forged for the sake of others around me, not necessarily for myself. It has nothing to do with what I can do for God – it is giving God control so that He can change me as He sees fit. One of my favorite word pictures of this process is that of the Potter and the clay – I am the clay, not the potter. The clay does not dictate how it is molded; the potter decides this. God is my Potter, and I am His clay. I cannot tell God how to shape me. My role is to stay in the hands of the Potter so He can shape me as He desires and use me as He has designed. It is not about the doing – abiding in Him, drawing close to Him is what God desires of us. He wants us to stay on the wheel so that His hands can shape us. We are all called to this universal purpose – to be conformed to His image – and this should be our one true desire. In that, we find out who we are, and our unique purpose is fulfilled as we use the talents and gifts God has given us.

As I walk into this new chapter of my life, I pray that I will stay on the Potters wheel, and allow Him to continue to mold and shape me as He sees fit.

Oh Lord, make us willing to stay on Your wheel, to stay in Your hands so that we may be conformed to Your image. Grant us patience, grant us peace in the process of transformation, so we may be Your vessels, used for Your good purposes. Amen.

Grace and peace,
mish

Freedom

2006-05-18T01:36:00.000-05:00

I got something you need to know
A little secret; that although
You think you had me
And I was ready to throw
In the towel.
While you circled and howled
Twisting my thoughts
Hoping I’d get caught
Up in your drama,
I was on my knees
Grasping the keys
To victory.
No need to cry;
I’ve said goodbye
To your games and lies.
And made up my mind
To submit to the refining
Fire of my God;
Pulling down the façade
And letting Him do
His will.
So pack your bags
And the filthy rags
Of sin you try
To throw in my face
Accusing me of the past
That my Lord has cast
Away.
You can no longer use
My past to abuse
And haunt me.
Cuz no matter the game
And horrible shame
You try to chain me with;
The truth I see
Through what Christ did for me is
I’m free…

© mll 2006

A Writer's Prayer

2006-05-11T22:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Lord, sometimes the words that flow from me are like nectar, sweet and fragrant…but sometimes the words that flow from my lips or the tip of my pen are like hot molten lava, consuming and destroying everything they touch.

O, dear Father, take captive my thoughts, transform my mind and heart…for out of it my mouth speaks. My heart is the issue – not my words. In the depths of my soul, uproot the sin, heal the broken places, remove the things that cause my tongue or my pen to slip. May I no longer breathe out violence and strike down with the pen. Fill my heart with love that flows like fragrant oil…oil that soothes, heals, protects. Anoint me, hold me, heal me, help me – speak through me. Remove me, and speak through me. In Your matchless name, Amen.

The Love HE Gives

2006-04-18T16:42:00.000-05:00

I can not live on man’s terms…
I must live for my Lord.

For He is the Light of my life;
The joy that builds me up.

He grants me mercy and showers me with grace
I cannot abandon the love He gives.

He fills my soul with joy and gladness;
And makes my heart sing the song of praise.

He separates me from my sin and washes me clean.
I am made new under the cloak of His righteousness.

From everlasting to everlasting, His love remains.
I cannot abandon the love He gives.

He has set me upon a rock; the rock of His salvation.
In Him and only Him can I put my trust.

He gives me a new name and a new heart.
In Him, I will never be put to shame.

His Kingdom shall stand forever and never fade.
I cannot abandon the love He gives.

I close the door on the past, it is far from me.
I put my heart in the hand of my Lord.

He will fill every empty place
And grant me peace and quiet in the storm.

His hand is strong, His shelter is firm.
I cannot abandon the love He gives.

All the days of my life I long to be closer Him.
Lord, remove those things that keep me from You.

Help me to be faithful to Your call and Your care.
Do not let anything lead me astray.

Dethrone the idols of my heart; I long to be Yours alone.
I cannot abandon the love You give.

mll © 2006

Everything and Nothing

2006-04-09T18:10:00.000-05:00

What does the Lord require of us? Nothing and everything at the same time.

It is true – there is nothing we can do to earn the love of God. No deed, thought, action on our part can commend us to Him. His love and grace cannot be bought or sold. It is complete…and completely free.

But it’s not cheap.

It cost our Lord everything; His very life, the love He gives came with a hefty price. So, since our Lord has given us everything, should we not do the same in return? For what can we do, but live each day, each hour, each moment, praising our Lord for all He has done. He has saved us from eternal separation from Himself…He has restored us to right relationship to Himself.

He gave it all to do this…
There is a song that says this: “Jesus gave it all; all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain; He washed me white as snow.”

Oh, that we would fully understand what it means to be washed clean of sin. Then we would not return to it again…

Oh, that we would fully understand what it meant that God the Son set aside His glory to come to earth as simple man, to die on a cross for us.

Oh, that we would fully understand what it means that Jesus bore our sin in His body, and experienced the wrath of God that was due to us…so that we might not have to feel it.

Oh, that we would fully understand what it means that we now are set free from the bondage of sin, that we can walk in newness of life, that we can live lives that are righteous and holy before our God.

How can we do this?
It is not by following rules and regulations.
It is not by reading your Bible everyday.
It is not by being in church every time the door opens.
It is not by giving to every ministry and charity you are able.

For, if you do all these things, and have not love in your heart for God, they mean nothing...

Fulness of life comes by loving the Lord.
Loving Him with your whole life.
With your thoughts…your actions…your attitudes…your affections.

Does God have first place in your life? Does He sit on the throne in your life? Jesus said plainly “If you love Me, you will obey my commands.” In other words, you will want to, because you love Him that much…His commands are not burdensome – they are to love the Lord your God with all your being and your neighbor as yourself. If you feel the force of His love for you, the sacrifice and suffering He willingly endured on your behalf, that love will flow from your heart in a great deluge of gratitude and thankfulness. It will fill your life and permeate from your core. It will overflow into the lives of those around you and mark them…they will taste heaven in their encounters with you.

And those things that may seem like "costs" will simply be thank offerings we willingly sacrifice for the sake of loving Christ as He has loved us.

As we walk through the final week of our Lord’s life, and remember His Passion, may we ask ourselves: What does the Lord require of us? Nothing and Everything…nothing is required, but everything must be given. Following Jesus means that much…

mll © 2006

Counting the Cost

2006-04-02T15:38:00.000-05:00

A friend asked me for my thoughts about evangelism - sharing our faith. This is what I came up with; thought I'd share it with you all...

I have thought a lot about how to communicate the importance of sharing our faith. I think the best place to start is with Jesus' message to the disciples He commissioned when He was on earth. I am currently working on a lesson for one of my classes out of Matthew 10, where Jesus commissioned the 12 to go out and minister among the Jews. A parallel to that is Luke 14, where He asks them to count the cost of following Him. Before we can evangelize others, we must count the cost - what is it going to cost us to truly communicate the Gospel to others?

And what is that cost? Being misunderstood...being persecuted...being rejected...being ostracized from friend and family circles. Jesus' words are very pointed in the above referenced passages, especially in Luke 14...the love and allegiance we have for Christ must make all other allegiances look like "hatred". In other words, anything or anyone that causes us to choose to be untrue to our Lord must be subordinated to Him - or cut out of our lives if need be. We must be willing to let go of that which hinders our devotion to the Lord. This is a hard word. But we are called of the Lord to count this cost...this is the cost of discipleship.

Please understand He is not saying that are to seek out to sever these relationships. However, if we are faced with the decision to renounce the Lord in order to maintain a relationship, we must let go of that relationship in order to be faithful to our Lord.

Sharing the faith is not merely a matter of words - we evangelize with our lives just as much, if not more, than we do with our words. Especially now, and especially with my generation and younger (I am 33), people are looking for authenticity...does what you say match up with how you live? The proof is in the pudding, so to speak - I recall someone saying to me "If Christians really believe this, why do they live like everyone else?" This is convicting to say the least.

So, I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about my life, and what my life is communicating to others. Asking the question: Do I really believe what Jesus taught? Do I believe He is God incarnate...that He came to save us from sin...that we need saving to begin with...that sin is as grave as God says it is...that it is an affront to His holiness...that God is sovereign and holy, and alone we cannot approach Him...that we need the gift of grace through the Lord Jesus to be in communion with God forever...that the fate of those who refuse this gift is Hell...that Hell is real...that my loved ones and friends that don't believe will be going there...

These are the questions I ask...do I really believe this? If I do, then my life will reflect it, and I will want to share the truth of the Gospel with others...I will want to show the love of Christ to anyone and everyone I can...I will want to be faithful to Him and live a life that pleases Him and reflects His character...it will be a burning in my bones.

Matthew 10, Luke 10, 12, 14 are very good chapters to meditate on. Gives you a glimpse into the heart of Jesus in regards to what it means to follow Him. This is what we are called to do...if we do this, our lives will be a witness, and the words we use to explain why we live that way will merely be reinforcement of that life...

Grace and peace,
mish

Only You, Lord

2006-03-26T18:25:00.000-06:00

Sin is crouching at my door…it seeks to overtake me.
I wrestle, I fight – I lose…
I wrestle, I fight – I win…
But then, as sure as my footing is secure, the ground shakes and I’ve fallen again.
Who can rescue me from this body of death?

That which I want to do, I do not do.
That which I do not, I do anyway.
Knowing the end is shame
The end is tears
The end is standing before my God, once again, explaining myself
Explaining my embrace of
Sin that nailed my Lord to His cross
The love affair I have with sin
That caused His pain and toil…

The darkness is there
Trying to overtake the light
Who can rescue me from this body of death?

Only You, O Lord.
Only You can set me free.
Only You can cleanse me,
Restore me,
Make me whole again.
Wash over me afresh…
Cleanse my heart, cleanse my soul.
I seek You in the dark places,
And ask You to shine Your light.
Make all things new.

I need You to make me new again.

mll © 2006

Darkness to Light

2006-03-19T15:45:00.000-06:00

They come and go
Ebb and flow
Quiet whispers
In the darkness.
I cry out into this darkness
My voice returns to me.
Answering my cry,
“Follow the step in front of you;
It will take you where you need to go.”

Who am I?
Where do I belong?
My heart sings its dirge
And continues to long
For the deep, long, wide, high
Love He gives;
Making me free,
Giving me reason to live.
Filling every empty place;
Moving me beyond this
Time and space.
Causing me to drink deeply
Of Eternity’s wine;
The hope of life that
Is mine
In Him.

His hands, His feet
His side;
Thorns piercing flesh.
His deep heart cries;
My freedom, my healing
My remedy;
The pain
That bought my
Victory
Is His.
And mine.
Because He’s given it to me.
How I can I live
Except to be
His – Alone?

All that is me
All that is real
Belong to Him.
Closing the door
On things that
Cause my heart’s desire
To dim.
Walking away
Into Light’s beauty.
Living the grace
That shatters the darkness;
Being free
To follow His pace,
To Eternity’s door
Where I find true life
And live no more
In the darkness and shadows
Of false existence.

I stumble, fall,
Rise, walk,
Stumble, falter
Rise, crawl.
Lifting my hands,
Lifting my heart;
Reaching for Him
Seeking to see
Only to feel
His hand
Gently enveloping me.
Moving me on
Pressing me into His
Presence
His guidance,
His love,
His life,
His freedom,
His pain,
His joy,
His suffering,
His victory.

Do This and Live

2006-03-12T22:52:00.000-06:00

A few days ago, I was discussing the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:26-37) with a group of friends. The parable is about a man who is robbed on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho and left for dead. A priest and a Levite pass him by without stopping to assist him. But a Samaritan man stops, cares for him, puts him on his donkey, and takes him to an inn in town. He gives the innkeeper money to care for the man and promises to repay the innkeeper if he has not left enough. The question Jesus asks is, “Who is the neighbor of the man?”

Someone in the group asked the following:

What is your philosophy of life?
1. “What’s yours is mine and I’m going to take it.” – That of the robbers
2. “What’s mine is mine and I’m going to keep it.” – That of the priest and the Levite
Or…
3. “What’s mine is yours and I’m going to share it.” – That of the Samaritan

How do you think Jesus would reply?

The Scripture gives us Jesus’ reply – the Samaritan was the neighbor to the man who fell among the thieves. Jesus’ philosophy of life was that of this Samaritan who gave of himself to help a stranger in need.

There are a few lessons we can take from this:

Our neighbor is humankind – and sometimes the one you are called to help or is called to help you is the one you least expect.
Loving involves sacrifice – love does not ask “What are you going to do for me”. Rather, it asks, “What can I do for you?”
Love does not expect anything in return – there is no demand for repayment. Love gives because it wants to, not because it has to.

When the Lord explained why He chose Israel out of all the nations, He reminded them that “[the LORD] did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath he swore to your forefathers that he brought you out” (Deut. 7:7-8a NIV). Likewise, God did not choose us because of anything in ourselves: “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly…for if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!” (Romans 5:6, 10 NIV).

What, then, should our response be? “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for one another. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth…this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us” (1 John 3:16-18, 23-24 TNIV).

In Galatians 5:14 Paul reminds us: “for the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’”. This can only be done if we love God first (Luke 10:27). The Christian life is a response to love… the love of the Father, poured out on us through the giving of the Son for our sins. The Holy Spirit seals us in this loves and pulls us forward to love our God and one another. It is not a set of rules, “do’s and don’ts” – rather, it is a state of being that seeks to glorify God and think of the other above ourselves.

Let us strive to do this – and live.

Grace and peace,
mish

Listen to Jesus

2006-02-26T21:00:00.000-06:00

“…He was still speaking when, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, ‘This is my beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased; listen to Him.’” – Matthew 17:5 ESV

Today in church, our pastor spoke to us out of Matthew 17:1-8, the accounting of Jesus’ transfiguration before Peter, James and John. This was when Jesus allowed these three disciples to see His glory unveiled. In verse 5, the Father calls down from Heaven, confirming that Jesus is indeed His Son, and that we are to listen to Him.

An illustration that my pastor used stuck with me. Jim Carey, a very famous and very successful actor was interviewed recently, and was asked if he could grant one wish for everyone in America, what would it be? His response was: “That everyone could be in my shoes for one week so that they can see that this isn’t it!”

Jim Carey went from being homeless at one point to being one of the most successful comedian/actors of the 1990s. He has achieved the success in his chosen field that he sought, has wealth, fame and fortune…all the things we in America are taught are part of the “American Dream” for a successful life. And yet, when asked what he wished for everyone else in America, he did not point them to the “American Dream” – he pointed to the fact that the “American Dream” is not all there is!

This life is not all there is…

Jesus is our firm hope for a better future.

Jesus is our hope for true love.

Jesus is the Ultimate Companion that never leaves nor forsakes.

Listen to Him.
Make yourself attentive to His call.

He will never lead you astray. He will never take you where He has not already gone. And if He allows you to walk through a dark place, He will not leave you there alone. He wants you to depend on Him, allow Him to be your guide as you go through.

The Lord does not promise us a trouble-free life in this world – but He does promise us His presence in the face of trouble.

The Lord does not promise us that we will never feel pain – but He does promise that He will be our comfort in the face of it.

The Lord does not promise us an easy life in this world – but He does promise that, if we put our trust in Him, He will walk with us, and someday we will be with Him in a place where there is no sorrow, no tears, no sadness.

This life is not all there is…

Listen to Him.

Don’t listen to the voices of this world, for they will only lead you in the wrong direction.

Don’t listen to the voices of desire, for they will lead you into snares and pitfalls.

Don’t listen to the voice of our accuser, the devil, for he only wants to see you fail.

Listen to Him.
Listen to Jesus.

Jesus is the only source of joy, contentment, meaning, and purpose. Jesus is the only source of comfort, strength and courage in the face of pain and sorrow. Jesus is the only way to be free from the bondage of our sin.

Jesus points us to the Father. He reminds us that this life is not the end…this life is only the beginning! If we trust in Him, put our faith in Him, He will fulfill us…He will restore us…He will give us hope. If we allow Him to be glorified in our lives, He will give us peace, an unexplainable peace in the face of difficulty.

If our hope is only in this life, we have no hope at all.

But if our hope is in Jesus, we have hope in this life and the life to come!

Listen to Him…
Listen to Jesus…

He is calling you…and He loves you so.

Grace and peace,
mish

God Is Faithful, and He Is There

2006-02-10T20:58:00.000-06:00

I believe in God’s power to heal.
I believe He can heal in an instant.
If He so wills it, a physical ailment can be taken away at any moment.

But sometimes, that is not His will.

I have been battling this idea for a while now.

I have a medical condition that causes me to be in pain practically every moment of my life. My joints hurt and my muscles ache. Sometimes the pain is such that I cannot get out of bed. Sometimes my body gives out on me and severe fatigue takes over.

My condition is a medical mystery. Though millions have it – mostly women – they have yet to discover the cause for it and they do not have a cure. There is no way to treat the “condition” itself, so you must treat the symptoms. Each person’s body will react to the condition in different ways. For me, it manifests itself in major fatigue, sleeping problems, deep soft tissue pain, joint soreness, and short term memory loss. Sometimes my vision blurs. When I have overtaxed my body, I will feel dizziness and nausea. Some days are better than others. There are times when the pain is minimal…there are times when I just want to scream.

Why do I share all of this? I don’t share to get sympathy comments, or to complain and gripe. I share it because it is a fact of my life.

It is also a testament of the faithfulness of God.

What on earth does that mean? I’m sure that’s what you’re thinking. I will tell you the truth – since I was diagnosed four years ago, I have had hands laid on me numerous times, praying for healing. I have prayed and fasted to discover if there is any unconfessed sin in my life that would prevent God from moving. I have sought the Lord many times for healing, for understanding, for stronger faith. And yet, I wake up everyday with the same feeling in my body. And there are moments when I just want to shake my fist at God and yell at Him: “I know You can heal me – why won’t You do it?!”

But God is tender and kind. He does not answer my rants with ranting in return. He gently guides me through each day and gives me a deep sense of His presence. In those moments when I feel like I can’t go another step, I have to lean on Him to carry me through – and He does. He has never failed me, not even once.

I am preparing to leave Trinity. In May, I will graduate. And it would be so easy for me to pat myself on the back and say “I did this”. And yes, I did…but not without help. Not without major Help. First, the very brain I exercise to learn was given to me by God. The fact that my memory is impaired means that God has given me an extra measure of His grace to get me through and do well in my studies. The demands on my schedule to fulfill my course requirements, my ministry commitments and work to pay my bills has stretched my poor system to the max at times – but I have never missed a class, never turned in an assignment late, and have missed minimal work.

Knowing my personality, it would be so easy for me to congratulate myself for my accomplishments. But my illness has shown me that it is not I but the Lord. He has carried me through. And His love has sustained me through the most painful times.

God is good. Even in the bad times. And sometimes, it takes the rough patches of life to display the wonders of His grace. I believe that God will heal me – but perhaps His timing is not exactly like mine. There are purposes to every season He takes us through. I pray I will have the eyes to see and the heart to receive all that He desires to show and teach me during this time.

May God bless you, whatever season you may find yourself in. Remember: He is faithful, and He is there.

Grace and peace,
mish

The True Test

2006-02-08T16:42:00.000-06:00

A few months back, I wrote a blog about the nature of Christian Spirituality. Since then I have been preoccupied with other things, but I wanted to revisit this idea and say a few more things about it.

I spend a lot of time in my studies learning what “right doctrine” is or should be for the church. And I am all for that pursuit…I wouldn’t be spending as much time and money as I am if I didn’t believe in it! I am not of the mind that it’s okay to believe anything you would like about God and His nature and purposes…I believe there is a revealed will of God, that it exists in what we call the Holy Bible, and that we are responsible for that revelation and what we do with it. These are my convictions, and I seek to live by them as best I can.

Theological training is the pursuit of accurate knowledge about God and what He has revealed about Himself and about us. It is important, for anyone who thinks about God is in some form or fashion a “theologian”…the term theology simply means “the study of God”, so any reflection about Him, or formulation of a philosophy or belief about Him is indeed engaging in theology.

The formulation of doctrine has to do with theory…what goes on in our heads. And while this is important, this is not where it should end. There must be a connection between our heads and our hearts…and then our hands and feet.

The true test of “right doctrine” is “right practice”: how does what I believe affect practical life? In other words, do I live out what I say I believe?

The true test of belief is living. I will live what I truly believe. I will make decisions on the basis of what I truly believe, not necessarily what I say I believe. In many cases, these two things are the same…sometimes they are not.

In His final words to His disciples before He was betrayed, the Lord Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will obey My commandments”. What does that mean? What is His command: To love Him and to love one another. And this love is not merely a warm affection of the heart, but an active love, a love that reaches out to the other, a love that sacrifices for the sake of…this is the love we are to demonstrate for Him and for each other.

So what does this have to do with Christian spirituality? The pursuit of spiritual maturity in Christ is the desire to bring my life in line with my confession – to match my “doing” with my “saying”. What do I say, and then what do I do? While I am spending all this time trying to get my theology “right”, I must be mindful that it is only good if it affects how I live – if it affects how I think about and treat other people, how I engage my culture and society, and so on. If what I study does not affect how I live, then my study is in vain. This kind of spirituality can be costly, for I will have to give up that which does not square with what I know to be true for the sake of Christ. And yet, in doing so, I will gain so much more…I will gain intimacy with the Father, and true love for and from my neighbor. I will gain fellowship with my Lord, with my fellow man and woman, and peace with myself.

I will gain eternal life…I will gain life in this world and the next…

I will gain life with the Lord…and this is the goal of Christian spirituality.

These are just random thoughts…I will flesh this out and say more later. But, until then…

Grace and peace,
mishy

Singular Focus

2006-02-06T08:44:00.000-06:00

Over the past few weeks I have been contemplating a few things about life. I am a single Christian woman. What does that mean? I came to know the Lord as an adult (I was 26), so I have the baggage of doing things the completely WRONG way...God's forgiveness covers those mistakes. But the residue remains, and it is a process to completely break free from it.

The bottom line is that I have given my life to Christ. Whatever freedom I thought I had I realize now was a mirage. It wasn't real. And the truth is, I don't want the "freedom" I thought I needed because it is really bondage. Bondage to my own selfish desires, to the whims of the culture...to sin. The Word tells us that we are slaves to the one we obey, whether it be sin (which leads to death) or obedience, which leads to righteousness (Romans 6:16). I used to think that I had to be with a man, or my life was not worth anything. This line of thinking led me to make one colossal mistake after another. I was in bondage...I was obeying my desires, and did whatever I had to do to fulfill them.

It's interesting to me that even as a Christian, I can easily fall into that trap. As a woman seeking to serve the Lord in ministry, I find myself feeing I must have a man by my side in order to serve God with any credibility. But is that true? I don't think so.

In Christ, I am free to serve God, no matter what my station in life. First Corinthians tells us that we are to serve God in the place in which He called us (7:17-24). Does that mean I should never want to be married, or never marry at all? No way! But it does mean that I don't have to change my life's circumstances in order to be His servant. I am simply called to be His disciple, to follow Him.

This thought led me to another thought. What does it mean to be a disciple of Christ? Here a few thoughts I jotted down in my journal about that subject:

Discipleship is a lifelong process. We never arrive at a point where we do not need to be discipled by someone more mature than we. We do not arrive at a point where we do not need to be taught by the Master, our Lord Jesus Christ.

It is not optional to be a disciple of Christ. When you claim the name of Christ, you are putting yourself under His authority. He is Lord – we do not have the option of deciding that. He is Lord whether we acknowledge Him in that way or not. We must respond to Him as He determines – we do not have any right or power to dictate to Him how we will approach Him. We must give up our rights; God determines our life course. Therefore, the only option we have if we truly want to be a Christian, is to yield to the Lordship of God.

What does this truth mean for me practically? I am seeking to settle in my heart the fact that I am single and possibly will be for the rest of my life. I want to be content in this station. I don’t want the focus of my life to be “looking for a man”; to think that I cannot be effective in ministry or life in general unless I have a husband to partner with. I feel I have a “right” to be married; to have that desire fulfilled. But that may not be God’s will for the course of my life. What am I going to do with that reality? With the present reality of my life as a single woman? Am I going to be embittered by it, or accept it as a gift from the hand of God and seek His desires? What does He want to do with me as a single woman? I am not worthless to the Kingdom because of my singleness. I know this – and much of my angst stems from loneliness. I desire to share my life with someone. And I cannot understand why God will not give me this desire – it is not a bad desire. He created us for companionship. But He has not seen fit to direct my life toward that end in this season. So what am I to do with this desire? And the other desires that go along with it – those desires that I awakened before their time and can’t seem to put to rest again? This is the struggle. So, I have to settle in my heart the resolve to follow Christ wherever and however He chooses to lead me. If that includes a life as a single woman, so be it. This must be the attitude of my heart. This implies a disposition of sacrifice. My struggle is that I want what I had when I was not in Christ, but cannot have it outside of His parameters.

Accepting God’s call for my life means saying no to my will, to my desires and yielding to the truth of His Word, to the limitations He has placed in His Word. I do this because I undertand that those limitations are there for my protection and for His glory. I must sacrifice my desire for the sake of following Christ. This is a heart change – a change of orientation away from my right to this pleasure and toward God’s higher purposes and plans for that pleasure. I just read in an article: “There is a higher calling on [my] life than doing what [I] want to do.”

Lord, help me!

Lessons From the Past

2006-02-03T16:05:00.000-06:00

If you look at my "Interesting Web Sites" list you'll see a link called "Slavery and the Making of America". I want to explain this link and why I put it there.

"Slavery and the Making of America" is a documentary that will be aired on PBS during the month of February. It is based on a book by the same name that chronicles the history of slavery and its intimate link to the building of America.

There are certain things about America's past that many would prefer not to discuss. Slavery is one of them. And yet, slavery was the key instrument through which the American economy, and thus, the nation was built and maintained in its early years. This cannot be denied, and I feel that it is important for us to see this and understand its impact on our country. With the passing of Coretta Scott King, Dr. King's Holiday, and now the beginning of Black History Month, it is important to highlight very important elements of not only the African-American Experience, but our shared history as a country.

I am a Christian. This is my first identity. But I am also an African-American, and must be mindful of how this history has affected who I am and how my life has been shaped. I am also clearly aware that the affects of this institution are still felt in our nation, even as we celebrate the work of the Civil Rights Movement and other advances. The very foundation of our nation was built on the principles that made slavery possible -therefore, it is right and necessary to consider its impact even today.

On a more spiritual note, I must say that I feel it is very important that we consider the gravity of sin that was committed in the institution of slavery. We may feel that because the practice has been done away with and we are now "free", that this has been or can be forgotten...but the Word of God is clear that this is a grevious sin. Say what you will about how Christianity was "used" to justify slavery, that justification was a horrid distortion of the Scripture, and we are still feeling the affects of it today, even in the Church. The ideas that perpetuated slavery are engrained in the fiber of our culture and institutions, and for that reason, we must consider seriously the study of their origins.

Finally, I would add that it is never a bad thing to look back and consider where we have been and how far we have come, even if that reflection is somewhat painful or jarring. Although things are far from perfect, they are better than they used to be. This gives us hope for the future that if we continue to press on toward the goal, someday we might meet it. It also gives us pause to consider and learn from the past, for these lessons are usually far more enriching than we might think.

Be blessed, and please consider watching this important program. Information about stations and times can be found on the PBS web site.

Grace and peace,
Michelle

Incomplete Thoughts...

2006-02-03T00:04:00.000-06:00

Can I ramble for a moment? I've been trying to organize my thoughts into something more coherent for the past few days, and all I get is my garbled ramblings...So, perhaps if I write them out they will start to form into something intelligible.

I firmly believe in the need be aware of the issues of our day. I believe that we should know what is going on in our world, what is going on in our churches, etc., and think critically about them, even to the point of taking action where necessary and possible.

Here is my dilemma. There is so much to think about. There are so many things that are wrong in this world – in the church – in our lives…how do we keep ourselves from becoming cynical and bitter as we reflect on these things? How do we keep our hearts and mind steady on the hope that is in Christ?

One of the things my missions professor hammers home every week is the fact that prayer changes things. This is one of those Christian clichés that we have all heard over and over again in our lives…it’s very easy to forget that there is truth to this statement. I have found myself falling into the pit of cynicism over and over again…as I watch the news…read the newspaper…check out blogs…read books, books and more books…the endless stream of negativity that I pour into my heart seeks to choke out the genuine hope that I have in Christ.

Yes, the world is a mess…but how do I live in the faith I profess and, while weeping with those who weep and mourning with those who mourn, have a hope and joy in my heart that drowns out the cynical cries that want to overtake my soul?

The Lord really drove it home to me the other night that I need to be bolder in my prayers, that I need to lean on Him more in those times when I feel despair. Instead of complaining, I should cry out to God…instead of wallowing, I should fall to my knees. But how often I do not do that. May the Lord continue to prod me along on this journey of prayer…

Oh, dear Lord, teach me to pray…

How Long, O Lord?

2006-01-26T00:47:00.000-06:00

There are no shortcuts to spiritual growth. The time factor is an important instrument in God’s work in our lives. We cannot hope for maturity overnight – it is a life long process that must be met with patience and perseverance. That is why I am beginning to feel that the Christian life is not this exciting, fun-filled adventure that it is made out to be. Not that I think being in relationship with the Lord is boring – by no means! What I mean is that it is long, laborious work!! There are days and weeks, and months and years that will be hard and harsh – where the dross is being purged and the dead branches are being cut away. And it will hurt! It won’t be fun; it won’t be exciting – it will be painful! This is the part of the Christian life that most authors speak nothing about. So when the average Christian runs across this rough time in their lives they think something is wrong. They think either they are backsliding or the Lord is abandoning them. And they lose their hope.

There is a strange joy and comfort in understanding this. Some would read this and think I am the most pessimistic Christian on the planet. But I am warmed in my soul at this prospect. The ups and downs of life will come – knowing that God’s purposes are being fulfilled in them gives me comfort. I am blessed to know that I labor not – or suffer not – in vain, but that it is all a part of God’s design to conform me to the image of His Son. For we must not be confused – God’s desire for our lives is holiness. That is the mark of maturity – ever increasing holiness. And the path to that holiness is difficult because it so counter to our human nature. We are being sacrificed on the alter everyday – this is going to hurt (I don't know about you, but I tend to slide off the alter practically on a daily basis!). But there is joy in this process, for we know that the outcome is deeper intimacy with our Lord.

In a wonderful book I discovered (thanks to my dear friend Jennifer!) called The Green Letters, Miles Stanford says, “God is working from and for eternity…why should we be concerned about the time involved?” That God is working in us for eternity should give us pause to consider: What are we working for? Are we working for immediate, worldly reward and blessing for our effort? Are we only seeking the immediate effect of our efforts, and placing our hope only in this present age? Have we been so seduced by this world that we forget that we are being prepared for a world that is yet to come?

Just a thought...

Watch Out for those Pruning Shears!

2006-01-16T13:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had to speak at church. The blog entry about Martin Luther King was my speech for the day. As I returned to my seat, I felt the Spirit of the Lord resting on me. It is our custom to begin our service in silence, preparing our hearts for the Lord. As I sat there, I felt God’s hand upon me, and a warm rush flowed through me. Tears formed in my eyes.

I knew I was where I was supposed to be at that moment, doing what I was supposed to be doing.

It has been awhile since I have felt so aware of God’s presence, His hand gently on my shoulder, whispering in my ear “I have called you”. Called me for what? This, He has not fully disclosed; but I know that this is what I have been made for. He assured me of that yesterday morning.

The closer I get to my graduation, the more I have been questioning what in the world I am doing here. Doubts have plagued me, and I have felt out of sorts. Last semester was a long, dry wilderness experience. God felt so distant from me, and it seemed the things I was doing only served to push Him further away. Many of the things I was doing just didn’t make any sense to me - I knew what I was doing was not good for me, but I did it anyway. As I drifted off to sleep for my Sunday afternoon nap I kept asking myself, “What was I thinking?” I woke up with the answer.

God has been taking me through a long, painful pruning process; there were dead branches that needed to be cut out of my life. And I have fought Him every step of the way.

But the pruning was necessary. And what was I thinking? I was thinking I needed to get my rump off that altar and stop the pain! I was running backward…back to old, comfortable, familiar surroundings. To things that I knew – things that were not so scary because I knew what to expect. These things were not, and still are not, good for me, but I ran to them nonetheless. Seeking comfort from the pain of loss…even if that loss was necessary and healthy so I can move forward. And yet the pain I encountered when I tried to fit those things back into my life was so much more excruciating than if I had just stayed the course and endured.

Why must I learn my lessons the hard way?

The idol I had set up was the idol of the past. Those things that I know and love, even if they are not what I need or what God would want for my life. Moving into the future means taking my grip off the past…this is a scary thought. My instinct is to hold tighter. But the only way to see the new is to say goodbye to the old. As a result of my stubbornness, the old had to be ripped out of my hand. And after the initial shock of pain, the tears have dried, and I can now see the beauty of goodbye.

I cannot say there is no more fear. But I can say that I have come to a point where I can look at the past and truly say goodbye.

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

m.

Living on Purpose

2006-01-15T12:38:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow we celebrate the life of a true soldier who fought a battle against incredible odds. As an African-American, I am taught that Martin Luther King, Jr. is my hero…he is a hero of my race, to my race and for my race. He fought to end the racial oppression of Blacks in this country, to ensure that the freedoms of democracy were given to all without exception. And for that reason, he is an “African-American” hero. If it were not for the efforts of King and others whose names we either do not even remember or think about, I would not be where I am today. I would not have graduated from the University of Illinois, and would not be on the verge of getting my Masters degree from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. If it were not for the drive that God placed in the hearts of King and others of the Civil Rights Movement, many things would be very different in this country today.

However, Martin Luther King’s heart was ultimately not just for the African-American race. His heart lay with those who were oppressed, marginalized, and in need, no matter where they were or what they looked like. His vision reached far beyond the issues of his day – he sought justice for all who needed it. The most pressing issue of his day was obviously that of his own race, but King’s desire to see his own race lifted up was a result of his conviction that justice was for all, and that conviction had its roots in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Therefore, in order to fully appreciate and honor the legacy of Martin Luther King, we must look beyond the confines of race and see his true passion as one of social justice, of seeing true freedom for all people. In that sense, Dr. King’s dream is still yet to be fulfilled, for social injustice still reigns in our land even today. We can not look at this issue in purely racial terms. There are children of all races who are receiving inadequate education; there are families of all races that do have enough to eat. There are men and women of all races that are living in substandard housing, or in the streets, some with families. There families of all races whose lives have been turned upside down by drug addiction and the crime associated with it. There are people of all races who are abused, neglected, forgotten. And we are called as the people of God to reach out to these people.

As I write this I am mindful of the atrocities that are taking place in Uganda and Sudan; of the pain and suffering that is taking place in the tsunami and earthquake zones in Asia; of the millions of orphaned children in Africa as a result of the spread of AIDS throughout that continent; of the people still trying to pick of the pieces of their broken lives in the Gulf region of the US. I am also mindful of the people who are unseen…the homeless, hurting, destitute all over the world – and right in our backyard here in America. The problems are so big that sometimes they seem insurmountable. But we are called to do only what we can do, no matter how small, to effect change in the world in which we live. My prayer and challenge to each of us – including myself – is that we will seek to find ways to answer that call…one small step at a time.

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.” – Isaiah 58:6-8 NIV

Holiness: The Foundation of Perfect Love

2006-01-07T18:29:00.000-06:00

There is no one who is holy except Yahweh, our God; all other things that are considered holy derive their holiness from their relationship to Him. Even in our redeemed relationship with God, we are holy only because we have been set apart by God – not because of any quality we possess, but because God has so chosen us and by virtue of our relationship with Him, made us holy. Although there are attributes which we share with God because we are made in His image, there is a manner in which we will never be as God is. God possesses all of His communicable attributes in an incommunicable way.

The holiness of God speaks of His majesty and greatness, His awesome sacredness. In speaking of His holiness, there is almost a sense of awesome dread, for in the blinding light of His purity, our dinginess is most greatly exposed. There is no language that can describe God’s holiness in a way that fully grasps its truth. He is spoken of as dwelling in the fiery presence of the burning bush; the fearful cloud upon the mountain; in unapproachable light. If we, sinful humanity, look upon His face, we will surely die. The primary meaning of holiness, then, has to do with God’s “otherness”. God is transcendent; His difference from us is not one of quantity as much as it is one of quality. God is totally independent and self-sustaining. He is in no way in need of anything or anyone else for His existence. It is His uniqueness, transcendence and majesty – that which draws us to worship in His presence. God’s holiness is ultimately manifested in His moral purity: God is “free from stain, wholly perfect and immaculate in every detail” (See R.C. Sproul, The Holiness of God, p. 37). God exists in total righteousness and purity.

It is through the lens of this purity that we may gaze at the love of God. Although I wanted to refrain from using Greek or Hebrew words in this discussion, there is one Hebrew word that is of special importance in talking about God’s love: Hesed is used frequently in the Old Testament in reference to God’s dealings with Israel. It is usually translated in our English Bibles as “lovingkindness” or “unfailing love”. It “implies personal involvement and commitment in a relationship beyond the rule of law.” Another way of explaining this word is to speak of it as “covenant faithfulness” (Vine’s Expository Dictionary, p. 142). In Exodus, when God proclaimed His name to Moses on Mount Sinai, He spoke of His steadfast love. This form of steadfast love, or covenant faithfulness is usually used in the context of God’s covenant with Israel, but it is also given universal reference to all of creation: “O LORD, You preserve both man and beast. How priceless is your unfailing love!”(Ps. 36:6-7, cf. Ps. 104:14-23; 145:9) Based on the uses of this word, we can infer that God’s love manifests itself in His unchangeableness and trustworthiness to keep His covenant promises.

One of the ways we can gain a clearer picture of God’s love is through creation. God chose to create – His independence means that he did not have to create. Rather, His creative acts were of His own volition. His decision to make us in His image that we might be able to commune with Him was an act of love. He set His love on us and determined that we would be meaningful to Him. It is because of this that He chose to reveal Himself to us so that we may know Him intimately.

This love is providential in His care for us and for all that He has made; but, it is also salvific. In spite of the sinfulness of His people, God continued, and still continues, to keep His promises. It is His love that made necessary the plan of redemption. The implication of holiness – moral purity – determines that God cannot dwell with that which is wicked. This is the ground for God’s justice – it demands punishment for sin and wickedness because it is a holy justice. God’s wrath against sin is a “function of God’s holiness against sin. Where God in His holiness confronts His image-bearers in their rebellion there must be wrath, or God is not the jealous God He claims to be, and His holiness is impugned (or ridiculed)” (see Carson, The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God, p. 67). Because He cannot do what is contrary to His being, character or purpose, His wrath is a necessary response to offense and rebellion against His holiness. “God in His perfections must be wrathful against His rebel image-bearers, for they have offended Him; God in His perfections must be loving toward His rebel image-bearers, for He is that kind of God” (Carson, p. 69).

God’s ultimate purpose in choosing Abraham and making a great nation of him, was to bless all the nations through Him (Gen. 12:3). Through the nation of Israel would come the Redeemer, the “seed of the woman” that would “heal the breach that sin has placed between God and man. The salvation promised Abraham will ultimately embrace all humankind” (see William LaSor et al, Old Testament Survey, p. 33). All of God’s actions in history point to this one uniting purpose – to reconcile His rebellious image-bearers to Himself through the Person of His Son Jesus Christ.

And this is the ultimate manifestation of love. This is perfect love.

I will leave you with those thoughts. More later. Until then, grace and peace.

m.

Love...An Introduction

2006-01-05T18:10:00.000-06:00

I have been neglectful of my blogging duties of late. Not that anyone has been beating down my door clamoring for something new – but I like to post regularly, even if just for the practice of writing. And, admittedly, I am stuck right now with this topic that I feel the Lord has given me. The issue of love – what is love? What does it mean to love?

I’m not talking about romantic love here. I’m talking about the kind of love God has called each of us to in His love – love of Him, love of neighbor. How do I even begin to tackle this formidable topic? I will begin today by raising some foundational questions, and then expound on those in the coming days. Are you ready? Here we go!

The primary question before us is this: What do we mean when we say that God is love, and how does that relate to His holiness?

This question necessitates that we answer key questions related to God’s character. Firstly, we must ask what we mean by stating that God is holy. Secondly, what is the nature of God’s love? Finally, given the perceived conflict between these two attributes, where does this potential of conflict originate: does it arise within God Himself, or from our misunderstandings of God’s nature and ways? My thesis is that the perceived conflict between God’s love and holiness does not arise within God and is twofold. Firstly, it stems from an incorrect understanding of the love of God; we have a very one-dimensional view of God’s love that distorts its true image. God does not love as we love; His love is bound in the perfections of His character. Secondly, we have a diminished view of holiness. Because He is holy, His love goes far beyond any human conception in its purity and complexity.

It is also important to remember that God does not share in our sinful nature and thus His passions, desires, decisions and purposes are perfect. Therefore, we must start not from the human perspective, but from a divine, eternal perspective. “In the beginning, God…” God is the only self-sustaining eternal being, and thus all life derives its existence from Him (see 1 Chronicles 29”11; Ps. 24:1-2; Acts. 17:28; Eph. 3:14). God is unchanging, meaning that He does not change in His being, perfections, purposes and promises (see Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology, p. 163). This is not to say that God does not act or feel emotions, for the Bible is replete with descriptions of God’s actions and feelings. In fact, it is through God’s actions that we come to know God. The Word “always describes Him as the Living God, who enters into various relationships with His creatures, relationships which are indicative of several different attributes (see Louis Berkhop, Systematic Theology, p. 41). But God’s actions and emotions are not like ours, which can flare out of control. Rather, “God’s ‘passions’, like everything else with God, are displayed in conjunction with the fullness of all His other perfections” (D.A. Carson, The Difficult Doctrine of the Love of God, pp. 60-61).

For this reason, we cannot isolate God’s love or holiness from all the other attributes of His character. God’s attributes do not represent “parts” of God, but express that which is characteristic of God and therefore is characteristic of all of God. In other words, His attributes are not external from God’s real being, or real self. So, the distinction between God’s holiness and God’s love is an artificial one, created for the purposes of human comprehension. God’s love and holiness, like all of His attributes, are harmoniously involved in all His actions, purposes and ways. In speaking of these two attributes, it is therefore necessary to factor in other aspects of His character, such as His goodness, justice, wrath, etc., in order to arrive at a fuller understanding of who God is and in what ways He is love and holiness. That being said, when defining God's love and holiness, we must do so in the context of His other attributes, demonstrating that they do not in any way conflict with one another.

In Scripture, God is called holy in a general sense. The word is used as a synonym for His deity. While there are those who would disagree with this assessment, it is my opinion that God’s holiness is the ground of His being upon which all other aspects of His character rest. Is it an essential attribute, without which God would not be God. In his book, The Holiness of God, R. C. Sproul states that “[the word holy] reminds us that His love is holy love, His justice is Holy justice, His mercy is holy mercy, His knowledge is holy knowledge, His spirit is holy spirit. (pp. 39-40)”. Therefore, in speaking of God’s love and holiness, we must be informed by all His other attributes and perfections in order to gain a richer understanding of what it means to say that “God is love” or “God is holy”.

With that introduction in mind, we will dive into this idea of love. We must begin with God, because we are reminded that God is love, and His perfection gives us a clear picture of what love truly is. Only after we see this picture as clearly as is possible for us can we know that which we are to display in our relationships with one another.

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

The Chaff or the Tree...

2005-12-30T22:20:00.000-06:00

Which do you choose? Do you chose that of the tree, whose roots grow deeper and deeper – this is the foundation on which to stand. Your roots take shape and grow in the love of God and the intimate study of His Word. These roots are fed by the richness of God’s “soil”, His Holy Spirit which gives you life. The branches that sprout forth and bear leaves are the outward joy and peace and the ability to touch others’ lives.

How can you live the life of the chaff – directionless and aimless? In the threshing of grain, the chaff is the worthless debris that is discarded and burned because it serves no purpose. The person who is not rooted in Christ is like this chaff. There is nothing to plant your roots in; you are hollow and fruitless, relying on the fickle ideas and ideals of this world to shape you. What is your purpose – or more appropriately, what is God’s purpose for you? There is no stability when you wander from place to place, trying to find your sense of belonging. This existence is painful and lonely. Every curve life brings throws you off balance – one day up, the next day down. You travel in whatever direction the wind carries you – and you never know what will happen next, or if you will even be able to handle it.

To me, a tree is a symbol of long life. Trees can live hundreds of years, and they have the ability to live through all seasons. In the harshness of the winter, a tree will lie dormant, but will not die. And when the springtime brings warmth and vitality back, the tree will regenerate, growing larger and stronger, sprouting its leaves and spreading its seed so that its breed will survive. This is the symbol of life with God – roots grounded in His rich soil, deeper and deeper so that we can face any challenge with His strength within us. Branching out and spreading the seed of life to others to help grow God’s Kingdom.

The one whose delight is in the Lord will constantly be regenerated, and even through the harshest of life’s winters, they will be able to lie dormant and wait. Wait on the Lord, so that they may be renewed with the sunshine of Spring.

Oh, that we may choose this life...

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

m.

What Do You Stand For?

2005-12-27T17:47:00.000-06:00

I believe that everyone should have a mission statement. Something that expresses what their life is all about. This statement should be a guide - a compass that helps you navigate through life. It should help you make decisions, determine what you will or will not do, what you will and will not allow in your life, and help establish limits and boundaries in life and relationships.

As we say say goodbye to 2005 and prepare to greet 2006, I have been thinking about the mission statement I wrote this past summer. Unfortunately, I do not spend enough time pondering that statement and what it really means in my life. Life seems to get in the way of that...it seems like I wrote it and then busyness distracted me and I have forgotten it. As a result, I have not been great at living it out.

Yesterday I was asked about my New Year's resolution. I wrote some preliminary thoughts about that on another web page. After pondering further this question of resolutions, I am of the mind that I need to "resolve" to be more deliberate about how I choose to live the life I have been given - to take seriously this statement I wrote six months ago. Of course, that entails determining how God would have me live my life in light of His grace.

We have just finished celebrating the birth of the Savior. Whether we admit or acknowledge it or not, that is the true reason for the Christmas holiday. Stripped of its commericalized shell, Christmas is about God coming to us, living among us, intervening for us...dying for us...rising for us. Proclaiming His right to be Lord. Of everything. Including our very lives. And this is the driving force of my life...the driving force behind any statement I would have ever ventured to write. He is the life I have been given, and therefore is what I must stand for. And thus, my statement is saturated with His presence, for this is the driving passion of my life. To be saturated with His presence and glorify Him in whatever I may choose to do.

Below is my mission statement. This is what I stand for.

My mission stems from my primary identity – that of a Christian, a child of God (Rom. 8:14), created in His image:

To see all people as created in the image of God and therefore worthy of respect (Gen. 1:26-28)
To see all as in need of the love and salvation of God through our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 5:16-21)

And, having been saved by His grace:

To live under the loving rule of the Lord in all areas of life (Psalm 97:1)
To seek holiness and Christlikeness in my personal life (Rom. 12:1-2; Eph. 4:23-24)
To do the good works He has prepared for me by using the talents, gifts and resources God has given me for His glory (Eph. 2:10; 1 Cor. 10:31; Col. 3:17; 1 Peter 4:11)
And to not seek my own glory or desires, but only that which the Lord has set for me (Rom. 12:19; 1 Cor. 10:24; Phil. 2:3-4).

Okay, enough about me; what about you? Do you know what you stand for?

If you have never taken the time to write a mission statement, I encourage you to do so. It is a cleansing, uplifting experience. It is for your soul what Spring Cleaning is for your closets! Think on it. Pray about it. And write it out. Then make it your New Year's resolution to seek to live it out. That's what I hope to do - with the Lord's help.

Happy New Year.

New Look for a New Year

2005-12-26T20:27:00.000-06:00

Do you like the new look? I thought I would make a change for the new year.

Christmas was wonderful. Family is great. The older I get the more I think about who I am in relation to my family. I come from a long line of strong-willed, determined - perhaps stubborn - folk. And I am so true to this heritage, there is no way any part of my family can deny me! This strong will and determination has served me well; sometimes it gets me into trouble! That's the case with all things - we can either use the gifts God has given us for His glory or for our own self-promotion. I consider my strong will a gift - it has kept me from giving up on many ocassions, especially during my time working toward my masters degree. As I embark on the final semester of my program (thank You, Lord!), I am grateful that God has instilled in me a determined spirit that does not give up at the first sight of trouble. I'm tempted many times...but I can not let go until I reach the final destination. This is a gift.

But, there are times when I use this gift for evil - to seek after my own agenda and do my own thing. To step ahead of God and move beyond His boundaries. I can push myself and push people in all the wrong ways and make a downright mess of things! All in the name of "not giving up"! And, oh, the trouble that comes from that! Can anyone relate?

The new year is upon us. There is less than a week left in 2005. I've been thinking a lot about what the New Year will bring. I am looking forward to many things. Not the least of which is being able to walk across that stage in May and receive my degree. There are many other things I long to see in the coming year. I'll post about those later.

As soon as I have a few moments to think things through, I will also post a continuation of my discussion about love.

I pray your Christmas was filled with joy and thoughts of the One whose coming we celebrate.

More later. Until then...grace and peace.

m.

Are you thirsty?

2005-12-20T11:15:00.000-06:00

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink the water I give them will never thirst.” John 4:13-14 TNIV

We all draw from deep wells and drink of things that do not satisfy. We think that if we try one more thing, do one more thing, our thirst will go away…we will be full and we will be free. But it never happens. The more we feed the hunger and thirst with things of this world, the worse it gets until it takes over our lives and occupies our minds and eats away at our souls.

What well are you drawing from today?

Draw from the well of God’s love through Jesus Christ. No matter what your life circumstance, His water will fill you up and satisfy your soul. His water will heal you and bring you joy. His water will cleanse you and make you new.

What well are you drawing from today?

What Love Is This?

2005-12-17T12:21:00.000-06:00

As we approach the night when we celebrate the birth of our Savior, I am becoming more aware of the magnitude of this event and how it is completely lost on most of us that walk around in American culture. Much of what we view as “Christmas” is nothing more than marketing mayhem, as retailers seek to make their yearly profits by taking advantage of our desire to give each the best, the latest and the greatest of whatever consumer products are “hot” this year. I worked retail for three years, and endured three Christmas seasons in the nuttiness that we Americans call “Christmas”…I have to tell you, my time there stripped me of any real connection to the true reason why we celebrate. It has taken me a while to reconnect.

It seems to have gotten worse, with retailers refusing to use “Christmas” in their advertising and schools nationwide removing the great Christmas hymns from their holiday programs. As my pastor Dave Fitch noted, we are not a “Christian nation” any longer – and I would be the first to argue the point that we have never been a Christian nation…but I don’t have time to address that in this entry.

But, I digress. One of the many things I love about my family is that we do not make a big fuss about the whole Christmas deal anymore. Since neither my brother nor I have children, we as a family have in recent years done the whole Christmas gift thing with very little fanfare. We usually give each other gifts in the shopping bags the stuff came in! I like it like that. And I would like to hope that if ever either of us (my brother and I) has children, we would seek to start a new tradition of not indoctrinating our children into the consumer obsession that is Christmas in America.

I sound very negative about the whole American experience of Christmas. But it's hard for me not to be. I’m sitting here listening to my “Charlie Brown Christmas” soundtrack, and I can’t help but think how ironic it is that 50 years ago Charlie was lamenting over the fact that Christmas had become a “big commercial racket”. Oh, how prophetic! I wonder what Charlie would say now…

The point I’m trying to make is that all this commercialization has caused us to forget the true meaning of Christmas. That sounds cliché I know, but sometimes clichés are the best communicators of truth. In this case, I would say amen! The whole point of the Christmas holiday is to celebrate the Love that has entered into the world through the Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. The true gift is that God is with us…on that quiet night in Bethlehem, God came to dwell among us. The Word became flesh. And He did so to make possible our reconciliation with the Father. To take on what was due us, and satisfy the rightful wrath of the Father against our sin. This is what we miss when we are obsessed with getting the latest X-Box for our kid…or the latest iPod for ourselves!

The love shown to us through the coming of our Savior is the foundation upon which the love we show to one another is built. When I consider the question of how to love as Christ loves, I have to look at what He did and continues to do. He came to this earth; He humbled Himself. He laid aside His glory and took on humble flesh. He lived life as any human man, except that He was without sin; and He was then wrongfully accused, tortured, and murdered on a cross, the most humiliating and excruciating death imaginable. He now sits at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty, constantly making intercession for all who call on His name. His love cost Him something…love will indeed cost us as well. But, as Hebrews reminds us, He did so with the “joy set before Him” in mind (Heb. 12:2). 1 John reminds us that just as Christ laid down His life for us, we ought to also do the same for each other (1 John 3:16).

These things we ought to consider as we celebrate the coming of our Lord.

I’ll discuss more in a later blog entry; this one is getting too long. So…

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

m.

Faith In What?

2005-12-16T21:25:00.000-06:00

It matters what you have faith in.

I know that’s not a popular stance, but it is the only one you can take if you look seriously at what the Bible has to say.

We all have faith in something…faith in our jobs…faith in our resources…faith in technology…faith in other people…faith in ourselves. But the problem is all these things will fail us at some point. Our job can disappear in the snap of a finger. Our resources can vanish or be destroyed right before our eyes. Technology can sometimes make our lives more difficult rather than easier. People will do things to hurt and disappoint us. We will do things to ourselves that hurt and disappoint us.

But the Lord, the LORD is the Rock eternal. He does not change. It is He to whom we must turn for our security, meaning and foundation. He is solid…He cannot be moved.

A good definition of faith could be “the whole soul committed to God in Christ; a stance of personal trust in, loyalty and reliance upon God.”

We can persist in your own way, but it will never satisfy. We were made to worship God - we were made to trust in Him, rely upon him, depend upon Him. When you have committed your whole soul to God, you will stand firm. When you have placed your dependence upon His love, expressed to us through His Son Jesus Christ, you are secure. When you have given your loyalty to the only One who is eternal, you will never be disappointed.

What have you put your faith in today?

What Sabbatical?

2005-12-06T03:25:00.000-06:00

I know it's not December 15 yet, but I have to write something that doesn't have to do with schoolwork, just to keep my sanity! In the span of three weeks, I will have written six papers and taken three exams - Lord willing. And, Lord willing, I'll still have a brain left when it's all said and done! I have no one to blame but myself...no one forced me to come back to school. This is just the way it is...and part of me is crazy enough to actually enjoy it!

Anyway, other things have been rumbling around in my head of late besides paper topics, if you can believe it. I thought I could hold off on writing about them until after semester craziness ended, but that's not really working for me. I have this need to write out my thoughts; otherwise they just sit there and drive me to distraction. At a time like this, I don't need any unnecessary distractions. So, here I sit, at 3:30 in the morning, writing away. I hope I can stay awake for class later...

I look at my life sometimes and wonder if I love as I should. I think of my personal relationships and wonder if I love as Christ loves. On my own that is quite impossible - I am selfish and cowardly most of the time. Loving others is costly. It's risky. Sometimes loving others hurts. Only the power of Christ living in me can cause me to love as He would have me. Only His love working through me can accomplish what He wants to accomplish.

Then I wonder: How best should I love the people in my life? Sometimes loving someone means letting go. Sometimes it means holding on and persisting. How do you know which is best? When do you let go, and when do you keep trying? I suppose you do the best you can and then give the rest to the Lord. Sometimes the only way to love someone is to pray for them...even when they don't realize it. Or especially when they don't realize it. At that point you cease trying to possess that person and truly give the love you have for them to the Lord. He loves them more than you ever could anyway. And He knows best what they really need.

First John 3:17-18 says "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." As far as it is possible, we are to care for the needs of others. And of course, this passage is talking about the practical needs of others (we'll talk about that in another entry). But there are some things we just can't do. We must leave those things up to the Lord.

I have a stubborn streak...most people who know me would be shocked to find that out! (HAHA!) I don't like to give up. But sometimes love means giving up - giving up the desire to control, to fix, to save...to do things I cannot do anyway! I can't save someone else. I can't fix them. I can't change a person's heart. Loving the other means not trying to do for them what I can't do. Loving them means pointing them to the One who can...Does that mean I stop loving them? Absolutely not...my love actually grows deeper as I entrust them into the care of the Father who loves them more than I.

Oh, Lord, give us the heart to love. Fill us so full that we cannot help but pour out Your blessing on those around us. Amen.

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

And love.

m.

Writing Sabbatical

2005-11-10T12:29:00.000-06:00

Hello All,
Just wanted to let you know:

I am taking a "writing sabbatical" until December 15. I sat down and wrote out everything that needed to be completed before the end of my semester...then I had a nervous breakdown! :o) Needless to say, I'll be busy for the next month! So, any writing that does not pertain to schoolwork will have to be put on the shelf until then.

Many blessings on your Thanksgiving holiday...oh, and my birthday is November 25. Happy birthday to me! :o)

More later (much later!). Until then, grace and peace.

m.

The Struggle

2005-11-03T23:32:00.000-06:00

Faces…we all hide behind faces.
We pretend…pretend that we are something we’re not.
We are afraid…afraid to show people who we really are.

What are these faces that we put on…these masks that we show? They are protection…from pain…rejection…loss…they are portraits of fear. We all have them.

I hide behind a mask of self-sufficiency. I pretend I don’t need anyone – and when I am forced to depend on someone, I do it grudgingly. I try to portray the essence of self-assurance, confidence. I hide behind my books…my laughter…even my words. It is safe to write words…I don’t have to see the reactions of the people who read them. They become separate from me and I can pretend they are not of me. While the words are there, in my heart, they are a part of me. On paper (or on a computer screen), I can pretend they belong to someone else. You can reject my words…but rejecting me? You cannot do that if I am not there. My words can take your rejection…sometimes I cannot.

And yet, that, too, is a façade. For the words I write are a part of me. They reflect the innermost part of who I am…my thoughts…my feelings…my hopes…my dreams. They represent me to the world…to piece them together and share them with you is an act of courage, of vulnerability. The safety of my computer is the courage I find to do just that.

I write a lot about my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, everything I have written so far on this blog has been about that because it is such a central part of my life. I cannot help but talk about Him and share His love with others.

One of the things that my relationship with God has done for me is it has allowed me to be more willing to show my true self to others. I do not have it all together. I have fears and insecurities. I have questions about life and the direction I should take. I have doubts about things, sometimes even my faith. These things are not bad…these things do not scare God. They scare me, but they don’t scare Him, and it is in Him that I am able to reach past my fear and step into things I would otherwise leave alone.

I am learning – slowly and sometimes painfully – that my worth, my true meaning does not come from what I can do. It is comes from who I am – from who I am in Christ. As I reflect on the things I have written over the past week, I have to ask myself: Do I really believe that? One of the dangers about being in an academic environment is that you learn how to write well, even if you don’t believe a word of what you’re writing! But I do not have the luxury of doing that – the Lord pulls me into a deeper place and corners me…He asks me: “Do you really believe this...Do you really believe Me?”

Do I really believe that my purpose comes from Him? Do I believe that He is where I derive worth and meaning? The things of this world cry out to me – wealth, position, possessions – and they try to woo me. And I find myself wanting to answer their call. Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong about these things – but if I am seeking them to make myself feel worthy, they become wrong for me.

I could be repeating myself here…I’m sure I’ve written these things in another entry. But I want to demonstrate the battle that rages in me…that it is so easy to say the right things whether you believe them or not. And sometimes, the things I say I believe and the things I feel or do don’t match up.

This is the struggle of faith.

May the Lord have mercy on us and strengthen us as we walk along.

It is comforting to realize that it is not I who am holding onto God – God is holding onto me. If I had to depend on myself, I would surely fall. Praise be to God that He upholds and sustains me. Without that reassurance, I would surely be lost.

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

Good news...finally!

2005-11-01T23:32:00.000-06:00

I read an interesting quote today. It says: “We are only here for a little while and then we are gone forever. So live and love right, and let someone love you.”

That quote is interesting for a few reasons.

First, the idea that we are only here for a little while. This is true. The Word reminds us that our lives are but a breath (Ps. 39:5; Ps. 144:4; James 4:14). Our lives on this earth are very short…it seems that we are just beginning, and then it’s gone. But the second idea…that we are gone forever…that is not quite true. In one sense, yes, we will never have our life here on earth again. Once it’s over, it’s over. We can’t repeat it; there are no second chances. But, in another very real sense, we are not “gone” forever…we live on. There is a life beyond this life. There is an eternity that we will all be present in. In the face of this eternal state, our lives on earth are indeed a mere breath…the life that lasts forever is the life we must look to and consider.

I asked a question: what is the measure of a man’s worth? If it is not in the material possessions and achievements of this life, then where is it?

We are created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27 says “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them” (ESV). We were made by God and for God; our very existence is owed to Him. That means we are dependent on Him – we derive our existence and meaning from God. God is mindful of us (Ps. 8:4). We are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him (Ps. 139:13-14); we cannot escape His presence (Ps. 139:9-12). And His love is so deep for us that He has provided a way to undo what sin has done in our lives (1 John 4:9, 10). This is where we find our worth. This is the only place where life has true meaning and purpose. The endless pursuit of earthly pleasures or success will always leave us wanting. Our true purpose is to love and glorify our God.

The terror of our sinful state is washed away in the sweetness of God’s love for us through His Son Jesus Christ. God knew what His justice demanded…God took it upon Himself to satisfy that justice.

Jesus came to give us life more abundantly. He stretches out His hands to all who would come to partake of this life that He has offered. There is no exception to that call…we are all required to respond to that call, either affirmatively or negatively, and our decision will impact not only this life here and now, but also the life to come. To live and love right is to live for the Lord, love Him with all your heart and love others as you would yourself. To let someone love you is to allow the Lord to speak tenderly into your heart His deep, abiding, unfailing love and allow that to shape your life and relationships. This love never ends…it goes on forever and ever. It is your anchor when life disappoints or hurts you. His love never fails.

I can’t hash this out in one blog entry. This thing called salvation is a complicated topic. It is simply in its message – believe on the Lord Jesus and be saved. But the implications of that simple proclamation are far and wide…high and deep. I could write endlessly and not exhaust all that it means to love the Lord and be loved by Him. How I wish that all knew of this love…that all would embrace this love. The voice of the Lord calls us all to Him to receive healing and restoration. Please do not turn Him away…

Oh, Lord, thank You for Your unfailing love. Please show us in new and deeper ways this love that has drawn us close to You. May we live in Your light and shine for others to see. Amen.

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

P.S. If you have stumbled across this site and do not know Christ, I highly recommend "This We Believe", which is an excellent summary statement of the Christian faith. Check out the link on the right. Many blessings on you. m.

What Is the Measure of a Man’s Worth?

2005-10-28T21:46:00.000-05:00

That is a question that I have been thinking about these past few days. Now that I have gotten over my temper tantrum I can move on to more important issues…that, of course, means I will be revisiting the idea of sin. Oh, joy! What a way to begin the weekend!

Reading my entry about sin makes me depressed. Can anybody feel me on that one? It’s not a pleasant thing to think about our sin. The depravity of the human heart is not usually something I want to think about when I’m in a giddy mood. It instantly dampens the air and weighs me down. But everyday I am reminded of my sinfulness, of the depravity of my own heart.

In our world, a person’s worth is measured by what he or she has or can attain. We are a society with an insatiable appetite for more of everything. More money…more cars…more power…more sex. You name it; it is there for the taking in ever increasing measure. And the more we consume, the greater our hunger. We are never satisfied.

This brings me back to the quote I cited from Cornelius Plantinga: the point of our lives is not to “get smart or get rich, or even to get happy.” It is to glorify our Creator.

I am marginally intelligent. For some reason unknown to me, I’m in graduate school. I never thought I would make it to grad school – I never thought in a million years I was smart enough to be here. It is the grace of God that brought me here, and it is His grace that sustains me. But my goal here is not to “get smart”. My goal here is not to get a degree so I can boast in my educational exploits. If that is why I’m here I need to exit stage left immediately! For I am worshipping the creation rather than the Creator.

I am not even close to being rich! I’m a grad student – that says it all! But my campus is located in the North Shore suburbs of Chicago, one of the most affluent areas in the entire US. I am surrounded by wealth – sometimes it’s downright scandalous how rich people around here are! But I’m also surrounded by a lot of sadness. I see it in the eyes of the people in the drug store, or in the drivers that honk and cut people off and display obscene gestures as they angrily pass you on the expressway. I see it in the children who yell and scream at their parents, demanding at all times in all circumstances to get their way. Many of the people that dwell among me are downright miserable. They are slaves to the things they have sought to accumulate…they are worshipping the creation rather than the Creator.

I would have to say I am relatively content with my life right now. Yes, there are disappointments…I wrote about one the other day. Life is hard sometimes – I scrape by just barely many months, thanks in large measure to my family who is so supportive of me while I’m in school. But, I’m happy. But what is happiness? We seem to think happiness is getting what you want whenever we want it. Doing our own thing; making our own way. Being our own boss…being our own god…we worship ourselves. We worship our desires…we worship our appetites. We worship the creation rather than our Creator.

Here is the core issue. This targets the heart of the matter. “When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate” (Gen. 3:6 ESV). How did the serpent tempt Eve? He made her doubt God’s goodness; he made her consider that God was withholding something from her…some happiness, some wisdom, some abundance. He made her doubt God’s word. He made her consider how it would feel to be her own god. Isn’t this how we are all tempted?

The desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes; the pride of possessions…these are the things God hates. Why? Because they become our gods. They take His place in our lives. God gives good gifts to all. But when we begin to worship them; when they begin to rule our hearts, rule our decisions, God gets angry. And this is where we all are, my friends. We have a natural desire to be the ruler of our own lives. We worship what we can do, what we can have…forgetting that it comes from the hand of our God, who is the Creator of it all.

This entry is getting quite long, so I’ll stop here. But let’s chew on this for a bit. I’ll leave you for now with the hope that this is not the end of the story…

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

No...No...No

2005-10-26T22:28:00.000-05:00

I hate the word “no”. I bristle at this word. My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach when I even sense that a “no” is coming my way. I want what I want when I want it, and when I can’t have it, I pout…whine…complain…lament. No is a bad word for me.

But what if I got everything I asked for? What would my life look like? I have to digress from my current stream of thought and speak to this because it’s something we all have to deal with in our lives and relationship with the Lord. Sometimes He says no to us. And when He does, we usually do exactly what I described above.

I’m dealing with a major “no” in my life right now. It hurt like hell (yes, I said that word!) when I received it…I knew it was from the Lord, but I didn’t want to accept it. But, the more I looked at the situation, the more I understood that “no” was the only answer He could give me. A “yes” would have gone against His will, against His Word, and that is not something God is going to do. So, no matter how much I wanted the answer to be “yes”, I knew it had to be “no”.

A whole gamut of emotions ran through my heart…anger, hurt, embarrassment, frustration. I was mad at God, mad at the situation, mad at myself. I was frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t use my temper tantrums to bend His will and make things work the way I wanted them. Then, I was embarrassed by my total lack of maturity, at my indignation and downright rudeness. I had to repent and give everything to God, praying for His mercy upon my poor soul!

How gracious is the Lord! He has showered His mercy and forgiveness upon me…but He still said no. The answer did not change. And so, I mourn the loss of my desire, my dream…

But that’s not an altogether bad thing. If I look at things rationally, what I wanted was not really good for me (who wants to be rational anyway?!). So, why would God say no to me; why wouldn’t He just grant me my every wish and desire?

Because God is not so concerned with my happiness…He is more concerned with my holiness. Hebrews 12 reminds us that when God disciplines us He is treating us as sons and daughters (vv. 7,8). Furthermore, it states that “for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (v. 11). God calls us to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter1:16), for without holiness we will not see the Lord (Heb. 12:14).

Part of that discipline is allowing us to grapple with the consequences of our disobedience. Sometimes that discipline is a firm, gentle no to the things we think we want and/or need but are not for our good. I have experienced a healthy share of both of those forms of discipline. And each time, I scream out in pain as the pruning shears begin to clip away at the things God wants to rid me of. But after I have recovered, I see that those things needed to go so that I could be even more fruitful, more alive, more intimate with Him.

The irony in all of this is that the happiness I seek comes from that intimate communion with Him that can only be achieved through my obedience and His gentle transforming of my life and heart. Happiness does not lie in always getting my way – it lies in my surrendering my way to the ways of my Father, and allowing Him to direct my paths.

Lord, help us to remember that Your “no” is always for our good. You do not withhold any good gift from us…help us to seek Your face, not Your hand. Amen.

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

Answers to the Purpose of Life

2005-10-23T01:31:00.000-05:00

I read the most amazing thing today about purpose and life. Cornelius Plantinga in his book Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary on Sin, writes the following:

“The point of our lives is not to get smart or get rich or even to get happy. The point of is to discover God’s purposes for us and make them our own. The point is to learn ways of loving God above all and our neighbor as ourselves…the point is to be lined up right, to seek first the kingdom of God (Matt. 6:33), to try above all to increase the net amount of shalom [peace] in the world.”

In his definition of sin, Plantinga introduces the idea of sin being “culpable shalom-breaking”. In other words, sin is the deliberate violation of God’s shalom, or peace, in His creation. God so created the world so that there would be harmony between and among Himself, all His creatures, and humans. Sin defiles and destroys this peace and leaves creation broken, vandalized. This is why God hates sin – “it has interfered with the way things ought to be.”

Why talk about sin in the first place? It seems that no one wants to even breathe the word these days. To actually admit that we are somehow responsible for our condition because of our own actions and attitudes is not in vogue. We want someone else to blame…it’s our parent’s fault, our first grade teacher, or the bully on the playground in sixth grade. Never are we to be responsible for what we do…

Please hear me on this: I am not saying that the above mentioned persons or events are not valid reasons for our behavior. As I have heard many evangelists state, hurting people hurt people. Out of our hurt springs forth hurt…and it’s usually heaped upon someone in our lives, someone close to us. The pain that others have heaped onto my life can clearly be seen as a reason for my acting out in kind…but is that the same thing as a justification? Do these things excuse my behavior, or make it okay somehow? By pointing the finger at another person, I want them to be held responsible for the pain they have caused me. Should not the person I’ve wronged expect and deserve the same from me?

My point here is this: all of us have been wronged. Some more severely than others. And we want justice. We want them to know what they have done and to “pay for it” if you will. But, we must also remember that all of us have also wronged. We have all hurt someone. We have all taken our pain and inner turmoil out on someone else. And just as we want justice, so also those we have wronged want and deserve justice as well.

Such is the vicious cycle of sin…of pain…of brokenness. We all know there is something terribly wrong in our world. We all must face the fact that part of the problem lies within our own hearts.

Why spend so much time lamenting the human condition? Because it is only when we see how deeply serious the human condition is that we can see how beautiful is the grace that redeems that condition. Grace is not cheap…the cost was the blood of Jesus Christ our Lord. God dwelt among us, lived among us, suffered among us…died for us. He rose again in victory over sin and death. In Him we have forgiveness of sin; the wages for our sin (death) have been paid for, and we are now free to live in the purpose for which we were created - to bring glory to our Creator. Only when we understand the full measure of sin, why it offends God so, can we ever begin to grasp the depth of love that would cause Him to condescend to us and save us as He has.

The beauty of the Gospel can only be appreciated against the backdrop of our needy state. How countercultural it is to see ourselves as helpless. But we are indeed in the face of a holy God who demands holiness – perfect righteousness. How we fall so short…how deep the chasm. But how great the love that bridged it.

It is here that we see the true meaning of the words I quoted above. Our purpose in life is to rediscover that for which we were created…to glorify our Lord. To enjoy His fellowship. Isn’t it strange that we spend so much time and expend so much energy to fill our lives with things that mean nothing if they are not merely outpourings of grace and blessing from the hand of the Father who loves us? The sum total of our lives is not the accumulations of these things, for they will all perish and fade away. The sum of our lives, the true meaning of life itself, is wrapped in the sweet fellowship and embrace of our Father through our Lord Jesus Christ. It is here that we begin to let go and allow our lives to be filled and occupied with a love for Him.

More later. Until then, grace and shalom.

m.

Life Crashes In

2005-10-19T21:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we walk through a valley and come out on the other end thinking we have conquered that problem once and for all. Then we find ourselves faced with the same valley…and we sink just as far down as we did the first time.

Sometimes we think that we have the answers to this faith journey, that we have figured out what it means to be a “Christian”, what it means to “believe”…then we are faced with our failings and dark places of our hearts and we think again…

Redemption is a tricky thing. One minute you’re sure of your place in Christ; the next, you’re not sure you ever had one. At least that’s my experience. Sometimes I do things that run so contrary to what I say I believe that I can’t understand how I ever called myself a Christian in the first place. I’m becoming more and more aware that this thing called faith is so much a journey – I’m not going to make it to the destination until Jesus comes back. How I long for Him to come back soon…

I’m also seeing afresh that my redemption has nothing to do with me – thank You Lord! It all has to do with God…with His love…with His grace and mercy. Without that I’d be lost. We’d all be lost. I knew that before, but sometimes you have to be reminded of the simple beauty of the Gospel – God coming to us…Christ dying for us so we would not have to face the full consequences of our sin…Christ rising for us so we may partake of eternal life. So simple….so beautiful.

How I wish I could live each moment in the simplicity of this love. But I constantly get in my way. I’m thinking about what I must do to cooperate with the Holy Spirit as He seeks to restore and regenerate my heart and my life. What does that entail? How do I put myself in a place of total surrender? How often – and easily – I forget that I am not capable of sustaining myself in this journey. I need Him to help me…it usually takes a fall for me to realize this. So how do I live this out when I don’t feel like it? When my personal desires start to run the show? What does obedience look like when the heart just isn’t where it ought to be?

It seems I ask more questions than I answer! Ah, the story of my life! I usually like things in nice, neat packages. Give me the Powerpoint presentation of how life will turn out, give me the three bullet points to follow and let me be. But that is just not how this seems to be turning out. One answer leads to 3 more questions…and on and on it goes. I am coming to believe this is by design…if we knew all the answers, we’d have no need for God. But He desires us to draw close…leaving us clueless is a good way to ensure that!

I say that with tongue in cheek, but in all seriousness, I believe there is a nugget of truth embedded in that semi-successful (?) attempt at humor. If we had all the answers, would we really seek fellowship with Him? I can’t speak for you, but I certainly wouldn’t. I would be perfectly content working my plan on my own in my own time.

Oh Lord, light our paths…make us hungry for You. Help us to see our need for You in our lives. Amen!

More later! But until then, grace and peace.

m.

The Spiritual Essence of Life

2005-10-10T15:33:00.000-05:00

It’s clear that Americans are becoming more interested in things spiritual these days. Note I said spiritual, not religious. In a recent Newsweek article, the figures were something like 79 percent of Americans describe themselves as such, and almost two-thirds pray every day. But the spirituality that is most popular to Americans is a sort of a la carte experience – pull a little from here, some from there. Whatever makes your spiritual experience work for you. It’s all about empowerment and personal experience.

It’s clear that people want something that reaches beyond themselves, something they can’t taste, touch or see, but can feel deep within. They want a taste of the transcendent.

The problem is, they want to do it on their terms. As the above referenced article puts it, “Americans like the idea of taking responsibility for their own souls.” That thought makes me shudder. Do we realize what all is entailed in being responsible for our own soul? How will that all work out when we stand before God? I don’t think I want to find out.

This idea of spiritual longing has me thinking about what Christian spirituality is all about. Actually, it was one of my professors that asked the question, but he simply articulated what I had been thinking about for a long time. What is Christian spirituality? My professor’s argument was that perhaps in rebellion to the automated, impersonal nature of technology that has permeated our lives, the human spirit is crying out. We are all spiritual beings – that is part of being made in the image of God. We are fed the lie that technology will simplify our lives, solve all our problems, make us better people. But it does not, and we are left empty yet again, longing for something more.

Faith in Christ offers that something more. So, what does it mean to speak of “Christian spirituality”? What does that entail? We all have a “spiritual life” – what makes that life Christian? The Word tells us that are all born in spiritual deadness (Eph. 2:1). At the core, we’re dead. So, our individual endeavors to reach for the transcendent will always fall short. We simply are not able to do it. God is the one who makes us alive. Ephesians 2 says that “God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions.”* This is an act of grace. God, through His Spirit, regenerates are dead spirits so they we may commune with Him.

The effects of the Holy Spirit’s work should reach into all aspects of our personality –the physical, cognitive (how we think and know), affective (emotions and feelings), social (relationships with others), and moral (our sense of right and wrong). All of these areas of our lives are broken in some way by sin; the Holy Spirit renews us and changes those things that are broken. And so, the Christian idea of spirituality would be allowing the Holy Spirit to regenerate those aspects of our lives that have been so affected by sin. First Thessolonians 5:23-24 reminds us: "May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body we kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who call you is faithful and He will do it."*

This makes spirituality a dynamic reality - and quite practical. It is not enough to say that I have a quiet time in the morning, or I pray every night before I go to bed…has God gotten a hold of my life? Am I allowing Him to show me how He wants to change and renew every part of me? It will include how I relate to myself, how I relate to others, and how I relate to the society in which I live.

This all sounds so wonderful ,but how does that look practically? Good question. I’ll get back to you on that! :o)

More later. Until then, grace and peace.

m.

*Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, Today's New International Version™ TNIV®. Copyright © 2001, 2005 International Bible Society. All rights reserved worldwide.

What's It All about?

2005-10-09T23:57:00.000-05:00

In an entry on my previous blog site, I wrote the following:

(July 12, 2005) This has me thinking a lot about what I feel my "calling" is. That word is ominous to me...how do you know if God is "calling" you or not? I have a hard time with the phrase "vocational ministry" - it seems to assume that only those who are called to do this for a living are truly ministers. But the Word of God calls all of us "ministers of reconciliation" (see 2 Corinthians 5:16-21). We are all to let our light so shine that people will give glory to our God (Matt. 5:16). And we have been called into a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9) who should be proclaiming "the excellencies of Him who called [us] out of darkness into the marvelous light." If we call on the name of the Lord Jesus, we are ministers. So what am I doing in seminary? Am I preparing to be a "professional minister"? I've asked myself that question over and over. I do know this: I can't imagine doing anything else with my life but helping others understand how to live out their faith in Christ. The very thought consumes me always. I think of nothing else, at least not with as much excitement and passion, and desire that burns through me. I suppose that is what I'm doing in seminary. Where the Lord leads from there is anybody's guess - but the Lord's!

So, I am back to the question of calling. What does that mean? It’s too late at night to go digging through my theological dictionaries and commentaries for a detailed analysis of this…but, I have to ask the question for myself. I have been wondering: where would I better serve the Lord? In “vocational ministry”? Working in what we would called “secular work”? What do I really want when I graduate from Trinity?

One of the things I have been learning is that you do not have to forsake who you are in order to follow Christ. What I mean by that is you don’t have to alter your personality in order to be a Christian. You have to forsake the sin that binds you, and that means letting go of things, desires, attitudes that are not pleasing to Him. But I’m still Michelle – in fact, I am finding my true self, my true life in Christ. God is purifying my personality, my desires, my attitudes, as I grow in Christ. But the essence of who I am is still intact. I’m finding that my days of legalism (I’ll share that in a future blog) was an attempt at being someone I am not. So I’m trying to dig myself out of that and truly live…

What I said above is true: I can’t imagine doing anything else more important than helping others in their walk with Christ. But where am I better able to serve God in that way? What does that look like for me? What kind of “strategy” if you will should I employ to live that out effectively and faithfully? Should it be in an all-Christian environment, like a church or “parachurch” organization? Or should it be out there in the work world, living my life with the rest of my fellow human beings, trying to be a light?

This blog could drone on for pages and pages…I won’t torture with that. Suffice it to say, I’m at a point of transition. God is walking me through some sort of dark place where I can only see one step ahead of me. It’s not a comfortable place, but it is comforting to know He is there with me, and knows where I’m going…

More later. Until then, grace and peace!

m.

Greetings!

2005-09-29T00:14:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my new blog site. For those of you who were reading my blog at MSN Spaces, this new blog replaces that one. My older blogs will still be there, but I will not longer be posting to that site. This site is much more user friendly for my school's server, so I've made the switch!

More will come later! Talk to you soon!